Why Do We Get Married At All?

When living together without formal commitment has become commonplace and divorce rates have remained significant, it's a question worth exploring: why do we still get married? As a wedding celebrant , I've had the privilege of hearing countless personal reasons. Here are my thoughts on why marriage continues to hold such powerful significance for so many of us.

The Evolution of Marriage

Marriage has transformed dramatically throughout human history. What once functioned primarily as economic and political alliances or property transfers has evolved into something deeply personal. Yet despite these shifts, the desire to formalise and celebrate commitment persists across cultures and generations.

Today's couples are marrying later, often after living together, establishing careers, and sometimes even having children. This means marriage is increasingly a conscious, deliberate choice rather than a societal expectation or necessity. So what drives this choice?

My Own Marriage Journey

I got married because I met my best friend, but rather short-sightedly, I wanted to secure it, to lock it down, to BE married. I didn't think deeply about the “getting married’ part; the process, the ceremony, what it would change and how. I didn’t consider it a dynamic, evolving process, but more simple binary state. You’re either married, or you’re not.

But now I know different. Now I choose every day to stay married; it's an active choice to be with and build a life with this person. We work at it every day; making space for each other, being vulnerable, opening up, reflecting, apologising, and being more and more of ourselves. In six short years, we have changed so much, as individuals and as a couple. We remind ourselves every day how fucking awesome our little family is (me, him, and Ozzie the dog!). This daily recommitment has shown me that the wedding is just the beginning. Marriage is something you build together, choice by choice, day after day.

Ozzie on his first day of off-lead training - of course, he was a star student! Big up to https://www.midlandsgrizzlys.com/

The Power of Public Declaration

There's something transformative about standing before your community and declaring your commitment. Many couples tell me that despite having been together for years, their wedding day felt different; a threshold crossing that subtly but meaningfully shifted their relationship.

This public acknowledgment creates accountability and community support. When we invite others to witness our vows, we're essentially saying, "Hold us to this commitment. Support us through the challenges ahead."

Legal Recognition and Practical Benefits

Marriage provides undeniable practical benefits: legal protections, inheritance rights, tax advantages, healthcare decision-making authority, and simplified parenting rights. For many couples, these practical considerations are significant motivators.

Yet I rarely meet couples for whom these practical elements are the primary reason for marriage. Instead, they're seen as welcome additional benefits to a decision made largely from the heart.

Psychological Security and Commitment

Research suggests that marriage often provides a sense of security that cohabitation doesn't always match. Dr. Scott Stanley's concept of "sliding versus deciding" highlights how making a clear, intentional commitment (rather than gradually sliding into deeper levels of relationship) creates a foundation of security that benefits relationships.

This formal commitment creates what psychologists call "relationship-specific investments"; the emotional and practical ways we build lives together when we've made a decision to be all-in.

Cultural and Spiritual Significance

For many couples, marriage carries profound cultural, religious, or spiritual meaning. It connects them to traditions, ancestors, and communities. It places their love story within a larger narrative that transcends their individual lives.

Even for those who aren't religious, marriage often holds spiritual significance; a recognition that we're participating in something greater than ourselves, something that has connected humans throughout time.

Creating a Shared Story

One of the most beautiful aspects of marriage I witness as a celebrant is the creation of a shared identity and narrative. Marriage gives couples language and ritual to mark their commitment. It provides a clear before-and-after in their story together.

In our increasingly fragmented, disconnected society, this creation of a shared identity holds particular value. It says, "We are building something together that is greater than either of us alone."

The Freedom of Commitment

This might seem paradoxical, but many couples express that marriage provides a unique freedom. By removing the question "Should we stay together?" from day-to-day concerns, partners create space to focus on "How do we grow together?" instead.

At its best, marriage isn't about limitation but about creating a secure foundation from which both people can flourish—individually and together.

A Choice Worth Making Mindfully

Not every relationship needs marriage to thrive, and marriage itself guarantees nothing. The commitment must be lived daily, not just spoken once.

What matters most isn't whether couples marry but how mindfully they approach that decision. The couples who find the most meaning in marriage are those who have thoughtfully considered what they're committing to and why.

The Privilege of Witness

As a celebrant, I'm continually moved by the courage and hope embodied in the decision to marry. Each ceremony I perform reinforces my belief that despite its evolution and the challenges it faces, marriage continues to offer something of profound value; a structured commitment that helps love endure through life's inevitable changes.

In a world where so much feels transient and uncertain, there remains something powerful about saying, "You are my chosen family. This is forever." Whether spoken in a lavish venue before hundreds or whispered on a hillside with just a few witnesses, these commitments remain among the most meaningful moments in human experience.

Fancy your bit of it? Why not drop me a line and let’s have a natter!